oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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