i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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