You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Ladies don't puke and tell
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
