The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
