I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize