omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
