what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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