I'm lost and stupid without you.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
