he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
