even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
His nipple licking is glorious
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