Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
