My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
