How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
