this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
