32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
