oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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