I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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