I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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