it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Found the puke drawer
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
