Only a mothe r could love this liver
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
