We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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