He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
