one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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