Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
