Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
