How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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