three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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