All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..