Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
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Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
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I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.