They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
