the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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