how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
