And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
