Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
