Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
