I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
