so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
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