So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
