i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
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