Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
