so that wasnt chicken after all
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Randomize
