do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
