I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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