We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
