I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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