Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
