At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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