wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
