walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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