I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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