I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
