I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
