"it" just moved
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
