It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
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The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
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Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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