Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i think i have two assholes
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
