Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
