You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
