Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
My life is pants optional.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
