Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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