so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
