i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
