i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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