In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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