You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
