hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
