i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
