Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
