listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
