I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I have fence marks all over my body
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
