Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
