He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
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There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
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im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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