so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
