WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
