I got chris browned last night
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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